Wisdom of the Rooms of AA

"You need to spend some time with God this morning and then let your day go."
I can start my day two different ways: the way I usually do which means rushing through my morning preparing for work and thinking (or worrying) about how I'm going to control everything to get what I want, or by sitting quietly in meditation and prayer and turning my will and life over to my Higher Power.
You can imagine how the first way goes. I bitch my way through traffic, enter work defensive and resentful and am at odds with others and myself throughout the day. After work I fight my way through traffic again and arrive home exhausted and on edge. If I don't go to a meeting, I take these feelings to bed with me and wake up in an uneasy mood. This is what living in self will is like.

The second way is definitely the easier, softer way and howdifferent the same day goes when I begin it with God. By starting with prayer and meditation, I connect to God and turn my will, life and day over to His will and care. Relieved of the bondage of self, I now go about my day from the perspective of service, and suddenly my day (and life) takes on a deeper meaning. The result of this is fulfillment, serenity and true purpose. And it all begins with God. And it begins every morning by making the right choice.

"When I did my 4th step it felt as if my life was being turned upside down - but it was really being turned right side up."

I first heard this saying right when I needed it most - when I was in the middle of my 4th step and I thought I was losing my mind. I remember sitting in my Wednesday night meeting after just having done some writing on it, and I literally thought my life was coming apart. That's when someone shared this and at once I was filled with hope and thought maybe, just maybe, I'll actually survive this.
The 4th step not only shakes our very foundation, it shakes loose the crap, the shame and the secrets that weaken it. It is this sober examination of our core defects of character that cause us such an overwhelming amount of pain, and once we begin looking at our part in things it's no wonder we feel our very lives are being turned upside down.
The good news is that a thorough 4th step is actually the very thing needed to turn our lives right side up. Before my 4th step, it was all your fault, and because I couldn't control you I was the victim. But by seeing and taking responsibility for my part, which I do have control over,I can now make changes thereby giving me control and hope over my future. The 4th step indeed made me crazy at first, but then it set me free.


"If I keep doing what I was doing, I'll keep getting what I was getting."

 I remember when I was new to recovery I was very willing to follow suggestions. I went to 90 in 90, and I got a home group, and I got 4 commitments, and I got a sponsor and worked the steps, etc. I did a lot and I got a lot - my life got better, I felt better, situations improved and I began to recover. Even the promises began to come true.
Now that I'm deep in recovery, I find that I'm not as active as I used to be. I still go to meetings and I have commitments, but I find I'm not doing all the things I used to do. And I've also found that I'm not getting out of the program what I used to get. When I heard this quote I immediately made the connection.
When I spoke with my sponsor about this, he reminded me that I didn't need to go out to restart my program. There are always new comers who need sponsors, meetings that need help, and I could always add a meeting or two. And the good news is that as soon as I start doing what I did, I'll start getting what I got.So if you're not feeling it these days, just think back to what you did and start doing it again.
___________________________
"The Power behind me is bigger than the problem in front of me."

Before recovery I faced life alone. It was up to me to manage all of life, to try to arrange things to get what I wanted, and to solve the problems I encountered. This was an exhausting task and at times the mere thought of my current problems, or problems unforeseen, would overwhelm me leaving me depressed and listless. "How can I keep getting up in the morning feeling this way?" was a thought I often had.
In the rooms of recovery, the first great relief I had came from the energy of the collective spirit I felt from all the people who had already recovered. Suddenly, I was no longer alone, and now I, too, had access to solutions and a new way of living and dealing with life. Most important of all, I discovered a Power Greater than myself, and I grew to trust and rely on this Power I now call God.
Today, after years of trying and relying on this Power, I have the confidence that comes from faith because I know that by relying on God's solutions to my life and problems I am always taken care of. Whenever I remember (the Real Secret) to include or turnto God for my life's answers, I am amazed and delighted by how problems melt, situations change, and my life flows like the river I peace I believe God is. Today, the Power behind me is bigger than the problems in front of me.

_____________________________________

"You're only as sick as your secrets."

When I first entered the program, I was filled with guilt and shame over some of the things I had done. When I sat in meetings and heard others share about some of their past behaviors, I was shocked by how open they were. Even more baffling was how they and everyone else could actually laugh at their dark secrets. I didn't know it then, but this was the beginning of hope and recovery for me.
"You're only as sick as your secrets," was a saying I heard early on in the program. At first there were things I swore I would and could never reveal, but after hundreds of meetings, the openness, forgiveness, and recovery of others created the safe space I needed to come clean. As I began to 'uncover, discover and discard' those parts of myself I was ashamed of, I experienced the freedom and forgiveness I needed to fully recover.
As I completed my 4th and 9th steps and cleared away the wreckage of my past, I was reborn into the new man who is sober and recovered today. Today I can laugh at myself and with others, as I understand that once we were sick, but now we are well. Moreover, I now know how my dark past is the very key needed to understand and help another. Today, I use the 10th step to guard against keeping secrets and to stay free and available to help others.
____________________________________

"After 5 years of sobriety you get your brains back, after 10 you learn how to use them, and after 15 years you realize you never needed them anyway."

What a cord of recognition this struck when I first heard it (at 10 years recovery). I remember the first 5 years and how I seemed to be in a haze in the beginning. I spent these years learning how to make sense of and deal with my feelings, my life, relationships, etc. Everything was so new to me and my focus was on recovery and learning how to live life on life's terms.
Once I passed this phase I did feel as if I had my brains back, and I began thinking and planning. What career did I want? How about a future with a family? How could I use my new clarity and focus to twist life to suit my needs and wants? If other people had things, why couldn't I get them, too? And off I went trying to arrange life to meet my expectations.
When I get centered and connected to my higher Power, though, I see clearly and simply and know that my only real purpose is to do God's work and be of service. It doesn't take a lot of brains to do that, instead it takes listening to my heart and doing what I know is right. When I'm "into action" and not "into thinking" things generally turn out for the best. I just hope I don't have to wait 15 years to accept and consistently practice that.
"Act as though until it becomes so."

What a wonderful lesson this was for me to learn early on in recovery. At first I didn't think I could make it through the day or week sober and my sponsor would tell me to "Act as if" I were going to make it. He told me to go to meetings, take commitments and to share honestly about what was going on. And don't drink between meeting, "suit up and show up" he told me.
And I did. And soon my actions became reality and I got 60 days, 90 days, then 6 months and a year. It had become so. As my life got better, I began to want other things and other areas of my life to change as well. "Act as if" my sponsor told me again. If I wanted a job in an office, he instructed me to wake up and put on a suit as I looked for work. Soon, I was wearing that suit in the new office I worked in.
As I continue to grow in awareness in recovery, I realize that "Acting as though until it becomes so" is one of the great universal spiritual truths of humanity. Books like "The Secret" and others on positive attraction explain why this is, and I know through experience that it is true. Today if I want my reality to change, I simply begin acting as if. It always works.

"Put the magnifying glass down and pick up the mirror"

Oh how I love focusing on you. If you would only stop doing this or that, or if you'd start doing this or that, then finally, maybe I'd be happy. Relieved of the responsibility of self, it is so easy to be critical, resentful and dependent on you. If you only knew what you were doing to me. If you loved me you wouldn't act this way. Don't you careabout me? These were myconstant thoughts.
When I first entered Al Anon, my sponsor told me something shocking - he told me that my happiness and well being were MY responsibility. He told me it was and always will be up to me to make my life enjoyable and safe. "But what happens when she does this?" I protested. "Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror," he told me. What I was doing to cause, contribute or in reaction to it was my only concern.
It took me a while to see the profound wisdom of this new way of thinking. Once I put the focus on me, I regained the power to influence and direct my life and happiness. If it's all about you - and I have absolutely no control over you - then I will forever be a victim. But when I do place the power and responsibility where I dohave some control - over my own life - that's when I begin to recover and regain hope. It's about the mirror, not the magnifying glass today.
" Sometimes you don't realize all you need is God until all you have is God."

Even after years in recovery and with all my sober experience, I'm still amazed by my tendency to put so many things before God. Many times I'm convinced that the new car, that perfect job, or that relationship will be the answer and that my life will finally improve and I'll be happy.
My stubborn reliance on this myth can be pretty disappointing. I've been reminded in meetings that anything I place above God will be taken from me, and given the nature of life - how all things change - this has often proved true. It's painful when this happens, but the good news is that it always leads me back to God.
The greatest gift I have today, and the one constant source of strength and hope in my life, is my relationship to my Higher Power. My Higher Power has the answers and solutions to the problems I face and has a deeper love and caring for me than I'll ever comprehend. When I'm connected to God, there are no worries, no wants and no needs. When things get stripped away, as they will, and all I'm left with is God, it's then that I remember - All I've ever needed is God.


"When I get the flu, I forget I was ever healthy."

I've heard that the "ism" in alcoholism can stand for many things, but my favorite is "incredibly short memory." In sobriety, this presents a double problem. First, having a disease that is constantly telling me I don't have it is hard enough, but because of its incredibly short memory, I often forget how bad things were. The trouble, the demoralization, the hopelessness are all forgotten when my memories are painted with the brush of alcoholism.
Second, my incredibly short memory also quickly forgets the good times I've had in sobriety and the possibilities and hope I felt even a few hours ago. An event, a mood, getting a cold, nearly anything can trigger my alcoholism and the color of my life quickly drains, leaving me in a black and barren place. With no hope, and no memory of the bad times, alcoholism has me right where it wants me.
This is why I go to meetings. In meetings I get the outside reminder of what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now. I get to hear my story come out of your mouth and suddenly my memory returns - it was bad, and I belong here. I also get reminded of the hope and possibilities I have as I see and participate in the miracles of your lives. And that's when the miracle of recovery happens for me, too. Once again I am safe, I have recovery, and my memory is working perfectly.

" There are no victims, only volunteers - you always have a choice."

This was a tough lesson to learn. When I was new to Al-Anon, I was a victim to so many people and situations, that I was hoping to get some sympathy and understanding. Imagine learning that I was instead a volunteer for the drama and pain in my life. That was a large pill to swallow.

And it didn't go down easily either. After I accepted I had a choice, and actually began exercising it by not engaging or by acting differently, other people got pretty upset. They were used to me playing a certain role and grew angry and resentful as I began to take different actions.

The breakthrough came as I persevered and worked the Al-Anon program. The miracle was that as I changed and recovered, the dynamics of my relationships changed, too. Suddenly, as I took more responsibility for myself, other people took more responsibility for themselves as well. As I focused on myself and recovered, so did other people and situations improve as well. It all started when I accepted my role as a volunteer and began making different choices.

"If nothing changes, nothing changes."

In early recovery I heard someone say that "If you get a horse thief sober, all you have is a sober horse thief." I learned that the 12-step program is a program of recovery because it is a program of change. Just getting sober isn't enough. I have known many people who came into the program and stopped drinking but either delayed or didn't work the steps, and they soon found that they still had all the old problems, feelings and circumstances they had while drinking. Besides not drinking, not much had changed.

"The same man will drink again." Another saying I heard when I was new reveals yet another danger of not working the steps and so not changing. Driven and haunted by the pain of the old self, it is a short distance to the temporary relief and old solution of drinking. Once again, if nothing changes (besides not picking up a drink), nothing changes, and the same man will soon drink again.

"The only thing we have to change is everything." The miracle of the program comes as we work the steps, abandon our old ideas, and discard our old self. The big book tells us that we become "reborn" as a result of working the steps, and it is this new self that is capable of living a new life that is happy, joyous and free. The good news is that this total change is much easier than it sounds and a natural result of working the steps. Ultimately, everything changes as we change.

"A God small enough for me to understand wouldn't be large enough for me to trust."

What a stumbling block the "God" thing was for me in the beginning of my recovery. I was afraid of God and after a while rejected the whole idea outright. I mean, how could there be a God if children got cancer and wars in His name still ravaged the world? And now I was told that my very life and recovery was dependent on my ability to forge a relationship with God? What was I going to do?
The key for me was reframing the God concept as simply a power greater than myself. This put the mystery back in for me, and suddenly I didn't have to understand how God worked, and I didn't have to explain anything either. My proof of God was now clear enough - God clearly could do something that I alone couldn't do - relieve me of the desire to drink and use.
Today my concept and understanding of God doesn't get clearer, it gets more expansive. I've become more accepting of God's will, and time and time again find that things often work out for the best - despite what I initially thought. I've stopped trying to explain who or what god is and know that the infinite reality of the divine will always be beyond my finite understanding. I now know that a God small enough for me to understand wouldn't be large enough for me to trust.
"R&R stands for rest and relaxation, not rehearse and rehash."

"If only my mind would leave me alone," I often think. I have what I call a "digging mind.
" Like a dog at the beach, it digs and digs and digs in a problem, a worry, or in some other imagined potential problem area or scenario often without my approval or awareness.
It loves to uncover negative thoughts, feelings and fears, and then rehearse these ugly scenarios, or rehash problems of old.

My digging mind is not only relentless, but it is consistently negative as well. I never find that it is digging in a positive or hopeful place.

I can't recall it dwelling on or digging in the hole of getting that great job, or relationship, or winning the lotto, or of having things work out. No, driven by a hundred forms of self-centered fear, it searches the beaches of disappointment and failure, and digs away.

R&R always meant physical relaxation to me. It wasn't until I heard this saying that I thought to give my digging mind a break as well. In fact, before this saying I didn't realize how active my mind stayed when I did try to rest and relax.

Today I realize the importance of reigning in my digging mind and allowing (sometimes forcing) it to release and relax as well. Giving myself a break - a total break - provides me with the renewal and space I need to let the love and light of my Higher Power in. Today I've learned the importance of resting and relaxing my body and my mind.
___________________________________________

Know someone who might enjoy this quote? Please Pass it On!

Want to subscribe? Visit: http://www.theWisdomoftheRooms.com to sign up for FREE.


owens
owens 		Latest page update: made by owens , Mar 12 2008, 7:13 PM EDT (about this update About This Update owens Rename - owens

No content added or deleted.
- complete history)
Keyword tags: doubt fears Higher Power mind rehash relax rest worry
More Info: links to this page

Threads


There are no threads for this page. 

Anonymous  (Get credit for your thread)

Related Content

  (what's this?Related ContentThanks to keyword tags, links to related pages and threads are added to the bottom of your pages. Up to 15 links are shown, determined by matching tags and by how recently the content was updated; keeping the most current at the top. Share your feedback on Wetpaint Central.)
How Bill W. "got it" - Spiritual Awakening Prayers for 12 Step practioners Quotes from AA Recovery